Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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