Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
