Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
