I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
