I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
