Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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