I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
