Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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