Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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