From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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