Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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