so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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