we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
