We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Shame is for Republicans.
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