Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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