ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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