She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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