cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
