We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
