please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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