if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
