Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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