If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
