You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
