Just fell off a train. Bad.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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