is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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