worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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