last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
