if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh god it's open bar.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
