if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I want her autograph on my taint
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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