I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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