I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
