I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
