glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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