I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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