If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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