i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
