I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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