WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
