Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
