only if we run a train.
done.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize