Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
