Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
