it wasn't lemon gatorade
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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