do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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