Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
