my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
