Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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