How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
