I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
