Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
