i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
