My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
