we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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