It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
