so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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