i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
