Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
