I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
