giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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