It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
