You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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