I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
