i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
