He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
