someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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