My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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