i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
