have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize