she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize