whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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