Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
