If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
