you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
