we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
