Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize