I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
