I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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